Mother's Day

spring is hard in the way that other seasons are not

it was spring when I abandoned my brothers and refused to return to her house: she won’t get better without you, we need you, she’s your mother

it was spring when my father was driving me to school, but I wouldn’t get out until he promised me I’d never stay with her again

it was spring when I knew knots in my stomach, my ten-year old body
it was spring when my brothers were begging her to wake up, vodka on her breath, sleeping with empty orange bottles 

it was spring when I became my own and they became two

it was spring when she came back to my father’s house and promised a redo 

it was spring when I willed myself to forgive

it was spring when we planned my parents’ second wedding and the dress burned white

it was spring when she attempted to stop slurring words, but the wine on her breath filled the house

it was spring when she broke the shower rod and asked for my help

it was spring when i could not