My Pledge Sister Is Dating My Assailant
The title makes me laugh and I know it shouldn’t…but it does. Anyways, the title is pretty self explanatory so I don’t need to write much, which is good in my opinion.
“Honey no…” are the first words that came to mind when my boyfriend informed me that my pledge sister (a girl I went through the new member process with when I was rushing my sorority in college) is dating the boy who sexually assaulted me freshman year.
I entered college in 2014. When I arrived on campus I felt ~cultured~ and sophisticated from frequent travel yet somehow depressed because I was now in a small college town. I went to a rush event; however, I do not need to explain why I chose to smoke and drink and I refuse to explain why I pointed to my assailant and said, “He’s cute I kind of want to get with him” to my friend. What does matter is that I remember my consciousness going in and out while in my bedroom and having my phone pushed away from me as I tried to read it and text my friends for help. I remember saying no and hearing the reply, “Why? You’re so beautiful?” I had never felt uglier.
The negative comments I received over the next year and a half were heart breaking. Very few people believed my story and wanted to believe that it was a cry for attention. Let me ask the public: why would I, or any woman want that kind of attention? Please fill me in because if I could go back I would not have told a single soul. In fact, it was HIM who told everyone why he was being suspended for two weeks and it was him who told several people that I was “crazy” and a liar. The counseling I received helped greatly as well as the support from the true friends that I had. Some of those friends included my sorority sisters. I pledged with 14 extraordinary girls who came from diverse backgrounds and had a lot to offer the sorority. I opened up my wounds a full year later with these girls and felt at peace with everything that had happened.
Now I, a 23-year-old kick ass woman, I find myself on my typical early 20’s Manhattanite path. I attend graduate school in NYC, go to brunch on Sunday’s, attend overpriced workout classes, and student teach with some of the best educators the state has to offer. One day I wondered: “Why I am blocked (yes, there is an app for that) on Instagram by one of my pledge sisters?” I turned to my boyfriend and shrugged. “I guess she is over me then,” I said as I laughed it off.
The next day my boyfriend texted me and informed me as to why she blocked me on Instagram (oh, and Facebook too): she is dating that boy from the paragraph I JUST FINISHED ANGRILY TYPING ABOUT. My first thought was “Honey no…” as I said. Then my brain did the thing where it processes information (how dare it). I got angry. I got flashbacks of what happened freshman year, and I got angry at HER. I cannot blame him for being interested in her. She’s blonde, has a cool nose piercing, and is pretty alternative. She also used to be one of my close friends. I could not wrap my head around why I was more mad at a fellow woman than I was at the man who violated me. Then it came to me: she is a hypocrite. This girl was an orientation leader, a tour guide, a sorority SISTER (unclear if she was active or not to be honest) and an advocate for social justice. The boy who violated me was a hermit who did nothing but grow his hair to an ungodly length and grew a mustache that did no benefit to his face. He did nothing to make anyone else think that he gives a shit about anyone but himself. Sure, he was an athlete *slow clap* but he convinced the rest of his team that I was a liar and that I made everything up. But this girl I considered a friend had the audacity to BLOCK me. It is not about losing a follower and it is not about losing her as a friend, because frankly I don’t wanna know someone like her. It is about her assuming that she has the authority that she can block me from finding out what she is doing. On top of that, she does not have the right to decide that I cannot handle seeing his face. That is not up to you and it is not UP TO YOU to decide what I see ever.
To my former sorority sister: You are not an advocate for anything but yourself, and that is fine, but don’t you dare try and say you respect women if you are dating someone who calls your pledge sister a liar.